it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
