I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
