They should really pass out barf bags in church
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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