This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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