I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
