the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
