____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
