but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
