He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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