WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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