Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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