I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
