I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
