I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
