drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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