it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
