Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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