You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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