Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
