Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
