Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
