He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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