I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
