where am i from again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
