I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
