Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
