is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His nipple licking is glorious
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