Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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