Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
