this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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