Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
