I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
