Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
