just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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