smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
