you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
