As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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