i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
