so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
