we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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