My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
