He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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