U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
