I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
