Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
