and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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