So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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