Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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