i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
