I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
MIDGETS
????
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
