I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
